Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
