Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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