He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
