I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
