she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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