that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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