just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
