I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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