The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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