Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize