I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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