I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
