I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
