Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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