Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
