she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i out mim tonsoeep
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