So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
