I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I will pee on everything he values.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
