just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
