I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
