i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so let's talk penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
