A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
