I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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