Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
