Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
