My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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