would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
