Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
