What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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