If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
