Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
