i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
