I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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