oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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