I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
