My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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