There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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