so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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