so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
