Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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