Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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