Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I am one with the molecules
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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