it wasn't lemon gatorade
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
