I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
