Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
