y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I need to stop coming to work sober
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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