I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
But we have bathrooms and they dont
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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