I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
