I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
