she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
